So this will be my 40th year. As such, I've dubbed it my Bender Year as it reads on my license plate, which will have to go back to regular random numbers and letters once it's all said and done. A person’s first Bender Year is their 29th birthday year. A Bender Year is then every birthday year ending in 9, thereafter. A Bender Year allows one to have an excuse for all inexcusable actions. Hereafter begin the winds of change as I have referenced on the FB. I am currently 39, so that's my excuse and I am sticking to it.
Approximately three months ago, I submitted my resignation after four years working for a legal aid organization. That's right, I said it. About nine weeks ago I walked away from a full time position with insurance benefits, and tried not to look back. This was a decision about which I have labored for a VERY long time. No, I am not independently wealthy, and no, I don't have any cemented plans set in stone. What I do have is a quest for that which makes me content, gives me my "flow." I've been reading a little ditty of a book entitled, Whistle While You Work/Heeding Your Life's Calling. The authors of the book try to empower people to appeal to their sense of calling in terms of a work life. I have come to the realization that my life's calling may be within the coveted halls of a public library. I have recently enrolled at Kent State University for their MLIS program. If I am successful with completion, this will be my third non-related degree. I will change that to when rather than if as I am pushing myself towards more positive thinking.
You can insert a sigh here, wrinkle your brow, or even admonish me for such a dramatic move. However, I have made my decision and I'm sticking to it for better or worse. I have pretty much always been the good girl and colored between the lines...sometimes for fear of disapproval or just simply because I suffer from the dreaded pleasing disease. I am taking this giant leap of faith because I finally think that I have found my way to something which I can say that I have the ability to do well...a real defined profession. I've always wanted to be able to say that I'm a ______ (fill in the blank).
I once flirted with becoming an attorney, and even went so far as to take the LSAT, but not scoring well on such an important standardized test dampened that flame. The list goes on to include Occupational Therapist, teacher, PR Specialist, journalist, you name it. Well, not you name it, but more than a few things. After two years of undergrad, I went to my college advisor and asked him to simply pick a major because I could no longer take the indecisiveness, which is how I came to major in Communication. After two years of working in dead end opportunities, I enrolled in graduate school for Public Administration after understanding that I had no interest in an MBA, and would not need to complete a dissertation. While I have had positions that have brought satisfaction to me in assisting the underdog, I still couldn't reach that promised land of professional Zen, like that elusive orgasm after an exhausted period of blending bodies.
So here I am....40 and about to delve into a completely new career. It does feel good to say career rather than job. It's more than scary, but also exciting at the same time. I feel free but also a bit sad for leaving behind good friends from my most recent position. Good friends never leave you no matter how far you roam. I've always been great at cultivating them....it's a fact, and you can check with some of my BFFs on that. Upon learning of my departure, one of my friends became a little upset, more sad than mad. However, she wrote me: "Petronella ...Happy are those who dream dreams, and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
She can never know how good that made me feel. Two other friends blessed me, and sent up prayers on my behalf. While I am more spiritual than religious, that truly meant a lot to me as well.
While I am sure that some cannot even fathom why I would make such a decision, I have had an enormous outpouring of good faith and well wishes from friends and co-workers, including my supervisor. I've got to strike while the iron is hot so that I don't lose my nerve. I haven't even told any family members, but I guess this blog will inevitably take care of that. I've got one mouth to feed, and one life to live at the moment. I am prepared to take what comes at this point.
For now, I'm made some life changes, which will hopefully help me to weather the financial storm. I have started volunteering at one local branch, and applied for a fabulous part time bookmobile position along with other library posts in Michigan. I’m also game for any future internships or fellowships if the opportunity arises. Can you imagine me working and learning alongside some college hipster as old as some of my socks? It should be absolutely fabulous and worthy of a bitchy blog or two. Stay tuned, and please send wishes for dream fulfillment. I wish the same for you.
Signing off,
The 40-year-old intern
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